I'm glad it's nearly over and we don't even celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK. But Black Friday has made its way here. And I swear it started earlier this year. And at tge same time I bought a steam cleaner last night because I have always wanted one and I'm very excited about it!
Thanks for this Jeff. "There was a time when you thought you were happy, but you were wrong. And now you know it, because here is a shiny thing you never knew you wanted until you saw it. And now all you can see is the shine." So many layers to these three little sentences. Why do we want? And who's agitating our desires intentionally?
My deeper question is, do we even understand ourselves enough to know what we truly desire so these little mind games seem trivial because we feel content and aligned with something more fulfilling? (At least for the time being.) I'm not sure I do, but I appreciate you reminding me to think about it in the midst of all these Black Friday / Cyber Monday emails!
I love this post. OMG! All the things we need right now. No, we don't. As of right now, I've been traveling for seven months with one large backpack (for all my work stuff) and one carry-on. Yes, occasionally I miss something, or I have to replace an item, but I also learned that I can be happy with much less than I'm used to. There's just too much of everything, and instant gratification is the killer of long-term happiness.
That's the funny thing about real life, isn't it? We're either always denied the things we want or discovering that we never really wanted them at all.
We tell ourselves that we're just one discovery, one uncovering, one goal, one task, one accomplishment, one thing, away from happiness, from contentment, from satisfaction, from rest, from peace. But it never comes, never arrives. We never meet the need. We can't be sated by feeding the vacancy.
God, what a beautiful essay on want. The buried "wanting someplace deep, like a treasure or monster" alongside the buried relics of childhood, the impossibility of fulfilling all human wants, the way we subvert them or how we feel about them out of empathy for others, the way the forces of capitalism and society distort our innate longing. This one will remain with me. Thank you for the post.
I am a yoga teacher, and my wife is an author. We both are selling things to “put food on the table.” I’m selling wellness, and she is selling words. For me, I did have a Black Friday+CyberMonday (that started on Thursday!!!) sale. I used phrases in my emails like “Act Now!” and “Limited Offer!” It makes me feel a bit disgusted, actual. I want people to buy my “product” without all that. I want it to sell itself. It doesn’t work. I have do a ton of arm twisting to get folks to come to a retreat or sign up for a series. Students always tell me how wonderful the experiences are and how glad they are they did it...but..very few people sign up without being “told” they should...which is super frustrating.
What I wonder is if some things are worth the sales pitch? Are my wife and I somehow allowed to have a Black Friday Sale because we are selling something that “matters?” It’s a real question, because for me I really hate it, but without it, I would have to get a different job...or a side job to make ends meet...that would most likely not be something that feels so important.
I get it John. I really do. No answers here. Only empathy. The original ending to this essay was a compassionate tone where I said something to the effect of “if you end up buying a bunch of things you wanted today, I wouldn’t fault you for it. After all, you’re only human.” That’s the crux of it, I think. We need to understand our wanting and that of others. We can’t resist it or pretend it doesn’t exist. We need to understand why people, including ourselves, need to be pushed to do things. To buy things. To be things. Why must we feel the loss before we are willing to do what just be done? It’s a good question. Thank you for your honesty. It’s brave.
"Human beings love to possess things, but often it is us who end up being possessed." Love! And think of this from The Beatitudes: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
This piece is brilliant, thank you. It's a gift to read your words. Through the complexity of healing from complex chronic illness I have been thrown into a different relationship with "things" that has changed everything for me. No physical object matters quite as much, and that is a bit painful when so much of society revolves around this.
Before this though, oh yes, that want for certain things was profound. Like when I first saw that shiny, black 1.8 turbo Golf at the VW shop a year out of college. I HAD to have it. And I did. Every time I got in it the next decade was pure joy, bliss. The beauty of this car delighted me to no end and it never got old. Everything in balance, I think. Being mindful.
This is one of my favorite things you’ve written, my love. The subtitle and conclusion are so, so good.
Guess I should stop editing it, huh.
Just part of your charm.
I'm glad it's nearly over and we don't even celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK. But Black Friday has made its way here. And I swear it started earlier this year. And at tge same time I bought a steam cleaner last night because I have always wanted one and I'm very excited about it!
Lol. Such is life.
Thanks for this Jeff. "There was a time when you thought you were happy, but you were wrong. And now you know it, because here is a shiny thing you never knew you wanted until you saw it. And now all you can see is the shine." So many layers to these three little sentences. Why do we want? And who's agitating our desires intentionally?
My deeper question is, do we even understand ourselves enough to know what we truly desire so these little mind games seem trivial because we feel content and aligned with something more fulfilling? (At least for the time being.) I'm not sure I do, but I appreciate you reminding me to think about it in the midst of all these Black Friday / Cyber Monday emails!
I totally don’t. Which is why it was valuable for me to write this reflection.
I love this post. OMG! All the things we need right now. No, we don't. As of right now, I've been traveling for seven months with one large backpack (for all my work stuff) and one carry-on. Yes, occasionally I miss something, or I have to replace an item, but I also learned that I can be happy with much less than I'm used to. There's just too much of everything, and instant gratification is the killer of long-term happiness.
"It had not existed before, and now it was all there was."
So profound.
So true.
I don't like this when it happens to me.
That's the funny thing about real life, isn't it? We're either always denied the things we want or discovering that we never really wanted them at all.
We tell ourselves that we're just one discovery, one uncovering, one goal, one task, one accomplishment, one thing, away from happiness, from contentment, from satisfaction, from rest, from peace. But it never comes, never arrives. We never meet the need. We can't be sated by feeding the vacancy.
God, what a beautiful essay on want. The buried "wanting someplace deep, like a treasure or monster" alongside the buried relics of childhood, the impossibility of fulfilling all human wants, the way we subvert them or how we feel about them out of empathy for others, the way the forces of capitalism and society distort our innate longing. This one will remain with me. Thank you for the post.
That’s very kind. You’re welcome.
Joy vs happiness is one of those things I think about constantly. Thanks for this.
Me too.
Special Something Sundays - hahaha
This was brilliant! 👏🏼👏🏼
Gosh, I love this.
I am a yoga teacher, and my wife is an author. We both are selling things to “put food on the table.” I’m selling wellness, and she is selling words. For me, I did have a Black Friday+CyberMonday (that started on Thursday!!!) sale. I used phrases in my emails like “Act Now!” and “Limited Offer!” It makes me feel a bit disgusted, actual. I want people to buy my “product” without all that. I want it to sell itself. It doesn’t work. I have do a ton of arm twisting to get folks to come to a retreat or sign up for a series. Students always tell me how wonderful the experiences are and how glad they are they did it...but..very few people sign up without being “told” they should...which is super frustrating.
What I wonder is if some things are worth the sales pitch? Are my wife and I somehow allowed to have a Black Friday Sale because we are selling something that “matters?” It’s a real question, because for me I really hate it, but without it, I would have to get a different job...or a side job to make ends meet...that would most likely not be something that feels so important.
I get it John. I really do. No answers here. Only empathy. The original ending to this essay was a compassionate tone where I said something to the effect of “if you end up buying a bunch of things you wanted today, I wouldn’t fault you for it. After all, you’re only human.” That’s the crux of it, I think. We need to understand our wanting and that of others. We can’t resist it or pretend it doesn’t exist. We need to understand why people, including ourselves, need to be pushed to do things. To buy things. To be things. Why must we feel the loss before we are willing to do what just be done? It’s a good question. Thank you for your honesty. It’s brave.
That is the crux of it...for sure. The difference between want and need. We don’t need much, but want can be infinite. :-)
Thanks for responding...take care.
"Human beings love to possess things, but often it is us who end up being possessed." Love! And think of this from The Beatitudes: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
This piece is brilliant, thank you. It's a gift to read your words. Through the complexity of healing from complex chronic illness I have been thrown into a different relationship with "things" that has changed everything for me. No physical object matters quite as much, and that is a bit painful when so much of society revolves around this.
Before this though, oh yes, that want for certain things was profound. Like when I first saw that shiny, black 1.8 turbo Golf at the VW shop a year out of college. I HAD to have it. And I did. Every time I got in it the next decade was pure joy, bliss. The beauty of this car delighted me to no end and it never got old. Everything in balance, I think. Being mindful.